Toast and Pamphlets
by youpromisedmebroadway
Summary: "Kurt wasn't bothered about sex at this given moment in time. He just wanted love and romance and he didn't want to be some boy slut who never felt the feelings that made the act of sex better." Kurt's thoughts after "the talk" with his Dad.


**A/N: Just a little idea I had about when Kurt takes his pamphlets up after the talk with his Dad in "Sexy". My ideas of stories are either completely AU or the thoughts of characters during the show or missing scenes in the show. This falls into the latter category. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Warnings: Spoilers for up to "Sexy" though not much really. Mentions of gay sex too (although not much)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

Toast and Pamphlets

As soon as he shut the bedroom door behind him, Kurt collapsed onto his bed chucking the leaflets aside, and buried his head in his pillow, groaning. He'd gotten through it. He had had _the talk_- the dreaded talk- with his dad and actually, it sort of... went well. The feeling of relief mingled within embarrassment washed over him and Kurt felt glad his Dad had talked to him.

_The talk. _It was something a lot of parents thought they didn't have to do anymore, due to the amount of sexual content on the television and the internet that their children could easily find. Kurt had hoped in a way his Dad would be the same, although he wouldn't deny he would have been disappointed if his father hadn't educated himself.

Then again, where had this sudden urge to talk to Kurt come from? His Dad had been completely awkward the last time gay sex was brought up (_"something went down in the tent," _Kurt smiled at the memory) and now Burt was willing to talk so openly. Of course they didn't go into the details of the deed but still, the way he had spoken to Kurt made Kurt feel like something other than their talk the previous week had spurred his father into talking to him.

_Oh my God! _Kurt sat bolt upright, suddenly realising that Blaine would probably have had something... no, correction- he definitely had something to do with this. Blaine must have told Burt that Kurt knew nothing. It was the only explanation, seeing as Blaine was the only person Kurt had ever told that he was uncomfortable and unknowledgeable with _sex. _

The thought of his Dad talking to Blaine about that kind of thing... about Kurt, tied knots in his stomach and he felt the urge to gag until all the nerves in his body relaxed. Breathing in and out slowly, he tried to focus his thoughts on to something else entirely... scarves, Blaine wore nice scarves... Lady Gaga, Blaine insisted Katy Perry was better while Kurt remained adamant no one could top Mother Monster... warm milk, Blaine thought Kurt's love of it was adorable...

No! No! No! No matter what he thought of, whenever Blaine entered his train of thought he could never shake him off. Kurt rubbed his eyes with his fists and tried to push Blaine away. But all Kurt could see then was Blaine's large hazel eyes, his flawless skin, and his pink lips stretched into a wide, genuine smile and his soft curls threatening to come loose from the mass of gel that was controlling them, as they often did towards the end of the day. Kurt's heart pounded violently in his chest and his throat grew constricted. This was how the lead Warbler made him feel, sometimes physically sick with the amount of feelings Kurt had towards the boy.

There was a sudden knock at his door, and Kurt's Dad made his way in, holding a plate with toast and jam on (never butter, unless it was a special occasion). Kurt's thoughts about Blaine were momentarily subdued.

"Here you go, kid," Burt smiled, handing the plate to Kurt, who began to eat the toast, and his eyes drifted over to where the pamphlets lay on the floor. "You're going to read them, Kurt, aren't you?"

"Yes," Kurt sighed. "I was just... just waiting for my toast, that's all." Kurt smiled at his Dad, who smiled awkwardly back. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of Kurt's head.

"I love you, Kurt, I hope you know that," Burt told him, and Kurt knew. Nodding, Kurt swallowed the toast in his mouth.

"I love you too, Dad," he said placing the plate down on his sheets and embracing his father, who hugged him back. They pulled away and Burt made for towards the door.

"Night, kiddo," he smiled, exiting the room. Kurt took a moment to be thankful for having as such a wonderful father as he had. He was so understanding, so accepting... he wondered whether Blaine's father was as accepting as Kurt's. Kurt scolded himself inwardly for not even knowing... not even knowing what Blaine's relationship with his Dad was like.

And his thoughts were back to Blaine, once again.

He was in love with his best friend. How very cliché, he thought bitterly. But it was true. Mercedes and Rachel were his closest friends (Rachel and he had grown considerably closer over the past few months, and they were still excellent frenemies) but Blaine was his best friend. He could talk about anything (well, nearly anything) with Blaine. Their interests, though different in some aspects, were more than usually the same, their conversations about Vogue and their favourite musicals often lasting hours. Silences in Blaine's company were never awkward anymore; it was like being with someone who had known you forever.

Kurt often found himself studying Blaine in those moments. He was no doubt extremely good-looking, but his beautiful facial features only enhanced the boy Kurt really loved. It was Blaine's ability to make Kurt smile, his way of making Kurt so at ease he would forget to be worried about his friends, or his Dad's heart, or his stepbrother or the Karofsky situation. Blaine's voice was so soft and warm and when he sang... Kurt would melt.

Taking another bite of his toast, Kurt contemplated the feeling of being loved by someone. Sure his Dad loved him; that was unconditional; Carole and Finn loved him in their own unconditional way, he supposed. His closest friends loved him, but he wanted so much more than that. He wanted someone to be in love with him; someone who he was in love with back.

He'd spent a year pining after Finn, desperate for those feelings to be returned. He realised now those feelings for Finn were not really love- it was infatuation, it was Kurt's desire to be loved having taken over. But, really, was it his fault? His friends in Glee Club could hold their other half's hand; give each other Eskimo kisses in the halls. They had someone to have that with, but Kurt didn't. Was that so much to ask for?

Kurt wasn't bothered about sex at this given moment in time. He just wanted love and romance and he didn't want to be some boy slut who never felt the feelings that made the act of sex better.

But Blaine would never feel that way about him. He liked him as a friend, and always would. There was nothing more there from him. Kurt held back the moistness that was threatening to spill from his eyes. Wiping his eyes, furiously, he placed his empty plate down on the cabinet and put his pamphlets in the draw. He would read them tomorrow. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out to see he had a text.

_Blaine_

_Get a good night's sleep. Important day tomorrow- we'll be practicing Misery. x x_

_11:57pm_

Kurt stared at the kisses. He knew this was just a friendly thing. They had texted each other those for as long as they had been close friends (and by that he meant, ever since after their lunch after the confrontation with Karofsky) and he felt a pang in his chest.

_You get a good night's rest as well. x x_

He sent the text and began his moisturising routine, not even knowing that Blaine felt a pang in his chest too as he saw Kurt's texted kisses, but Blaine didn't yet realise what that pang was, either.

**A/N: When I first wrote this, I had Blaine say in the text "I love you" as a friendly love, but after watching New York decided to change it, as I think that was the actual first time they'd said that to each other, friendly or otherwise.**


End file.
